If you want to know when to get another dog after your dog dies, I can help. Grieving pet parents write to ask me this question at least three to five times a week.
Our beloved dogs are family members, and the loss of a pet is one of the most devastating experiences a pet parent goes through. I know, as I’ve been there four times and will be there again and again.
Whether you had to put your dog down after a long illness, they passed with ailments from old age, or they died on their own, the loss of your best friend is one of the most gut-wrenching, soul-burning, universe-questioning experiences a person can experience.
Why do we, as humans, know that the outcome will always be the same, yet we willingly choose to enter into a new relationship with a dog again?
Before you can decide when to get another dog, you first need to understand the wrong time to get one.
You should answer some red flag questions and a number of things that will help guide your decision as to if and when you should bring another pet home.
When To Get Another Dog After Your Dog Dies
“Do you think you’ll get another dog, Carol?”
Well-meaning friends asked me that question not long after my dogs died. It stings to the core, but inevitably someone is going to ask you that. For the most part, they care and are not doing it with ill intentions or malice.
But asking me about getting another dog shortly after mine passed away is poor timing and feels insensitive.
I’ve been through the death of a dog four times in my life. It’s been my experience that people may become awkward after your dog dies.
Never let someone guilt you into welcoming another dog into your life. Everyone grieves in different ways at their own pace, and you never ‘get over it.’ The grief becomes a part of who you are.
I read that once you die, you can never un-die. The same holds true for life. Once you live, you can never un-live. That’s deep, but really think about it.
Your deceased dog’s impact on your life is eternal. That can never be taken away from you. If you carry that with you throughout your life, your dog becomes a part of who you are forever.
The personal decision to welcome another dog into your life does not depend on:
- How much time has passed
- If you feel your deceased dog would be hurt or sad
- What other people tell you is right or wrong
The time to get another dog after your dog dies lies in the answers to the following questions.
How To Decide About Getting Another Dog
First, how will you ever really know if you are ready? Personally, I am a happier, more complete human being in the company of dogs. Does that sound like you?
Yes, you will always and forever miss your previous dog. Time acts as a buffer to make the loss more real, but the absence is there until your day comes and you pass away.
Some people know instinctively when they are ready. It’s as if they wake up one day and say, today is the day. Other grieving pet parents tell me they felt the need for another dog after a few weeks, months, or even years.
Everyone is different. Answer these questions honestly, and that’s step one.
- Will bringing another dog into my life cause more pain or instill comfort right now?
- Am I financially ready to welcome another dog into my life?
- Why do I want to bring another dog home? (list as many reasons as you can think of)
- Did I talk to my other family members (spouse, kids) about bringing a dog home, and are they ready?
- Do I have other pets in the household, and have I considered their grief and reaction to another pet?
- Do I want to rescue or seek a reputable breeder?
- Am I interested in a puppy, adult, or senior?
- Do I have the time to bring a dog home?
- Is it the right season to bring a dog home? (i.e., potty training in the winter)
Do the homework and really give yourself time to answer those questions. Some grieving pet parents, myself included, take comfort in the process of writing (or typing) the answers.
You don’t have to share the answers with anyone. It’s just more cathartic and real to see your thoughts in writing sometimes.
Questions Pet Parents Asked Me About Getting Another Dog
Over the last 30+ years, I’ve been asked hundreds if not thousands of questions regarding pet loss. I’ve been interviewed by experts like Dr. Karen Becker on her popular YouTube channel and serve as a resource for writers, on the radio, and even on Oprah Radio’s Gayle King Show.
When Gayle was grieving the loss of her dog, she invited me and my then Cocker Spaniel, Dexter, on her Sirius XM radio show.
I told Gayle that I used to say ‘never again,’ as in I can never love this way again and have my heart devastated when dogs die. I realized I could never not love this way again. My heart is whole with the love and company of a dog. Fortunately, I married someone who feels the same way.
Here are the most common questions I am asked, along with my answers.
Is It Wrong To Feel Happy Again?
As human beings, I’ve learned the length of time that we grieve does not equate to the love we have for someone who died. If I grieved hard every single day of my life after losing my dogs, I would have died, too.
I would be far from living, that is certain. It isn’t fair to my dogs, who have gone before me, to deny myself happiness. I’ve learned I can miss and love my babies for all of eternity, but I can also laugh, smile, and be happy again.
Our dogs live in the moment. They don’t think about 10 minutes ago or tomorrow at noon. They live in the now. I take a queue from my dogs, do my very best to live in the now, and allow myself joy. I wish this for you, too.
What If I Start Worrying About My Next Dog Dying?
Anticipatory grief is very real, and this is very common. I know because I’ve done it and I do it. We are human beings who survived the passing of our precious dogs.
It’s natural to feel worried about your next dog dying. Here’s an article I wrote about how to cope with the fear of your dog dying.
What If I Compare My Deceased Dog With This One?
You might. You may even slip and call your next dog by your previous dog’s name. Remember this: Each dog is unique.
Two dogs can look the same or be born from the same litter and act completely differently. I ask myself if I would want someone to compare me to a love from their past. Of course not.
Will I Grow to Resent My Next Dog?
If you have this thought at all before welcoming another dog into your life, don’t get another dog until that changes. Each dog deserves their own opportunity to be a source of joy and companionship in your life.
Whether a new puppy, adult or older dog, the best way to help your heart and be happy again is without any feelings of resentment for this next dog. I know people who felt this way. The dogs wound up having behavior problems or were relinquished back to the shelter or breeder.
Will My Deceased Dog Hate Me or Feel Jealous?
Of all the feelings dogs have, feeling hate or jealous at you for being happy is not in their spectrum. Your dog spent their time on earth wanting you to be happy.
Whatever your religious beliefs are or aren’t, from a purely common sense perspective, your dog would want you to be happy again and again. I know my heart and soul will be reunited with my dogs in heaven when I pass.
When Is Too Soon To Open My Heart Again?
You hold the answer to this question. Once you’ve answered the questions above and thought it through, it becomes a leap of faith. Your heart may never be fully ready, but at some point, we as human beings take a chance and make the leap.
What if The Next Dog Breaks My Heart?
This is highly likely, and the tradeoff that is made when you bring a dog into your life. In most circumstances, you will outlive your dog. I’ll never understand why dogs don’t live as long as we do.
They’ve all had a profound impact on my life. I cherish all the moments I have with them while they are here on earth. I wish the same for you.
Should I Get The Same Breed or Type of Dog?
The death of a pet is very personal. If it feels right to you to get the same breed or type of dog, go for it. I love all dogs, but my heart is attached to Cocker Spaniels. So I choose Cocker Spaniels time and again.
Don’t get the same breed of dog or the same color if you feel it will be a replacement for your deceased pet. The right dog is the one that makes you happy and you are ready to commit to no matter what they look like.
Is There Anything I Can Do If I Want the Pain To Subside?
Yes, there are many things you can do to help work through the pain associated with the death of a dog. I’ve written extensively about it and will share my links below.
However, another dog will not stop grief. For some people, another dog might make the grieving process worse. If you believe this to be you, the time is not right for another dog.
Some people, however, like me, can grieve hard and love hard at the same time. I know my deceased pets would want me to be happy. I also know there is no fast-forward button on the grieving process.
Here are the links I promised:
My Dog Died and I Feel Empty
How I Survived After My Dog Passed Away
What To Do When Your Dog Dies
What If I Never Feel Ready For Another Dog?
Never is a really strong word. I used to say never again after the passing of my dogs. And here I am. I could never not love this way again. I don’t want to be in a place where I can share my life with a dog.
If you never want that feeling again, that’s okay, too. It’s too painful for some people. Time passes, and nothing will bring your pet back. However, the right time may never come along. That’s your decision.
You may want to consider becoming a foster parent, volunteering at your local shelter, or even cyber-fostering a dog where you help pets in need financially.
Reasons Not To Get Another Dog After Yours Dies
There are some definite reasons not to get another dog after yours dies. These include, but are not limited to:
- Trying to stop the feelings of grief and believing they will 100 percent go away
- If you might project your grief and feelings of disdain or negativity on the latest dog
- To give your kids something to do or focus on
- If there is any chance you feel not ready emotionally and/or financially
- Solely to keep a surviving pet(s) company – this can backfire and other pets may not welcome a new pack member. Dogs experience grief, too, so consider their feelings with the timing of another pet.
- If you are certain you are a one-dog-your-lifetime person*
* My grief therapist admitted she solely missed her dog, Mia. She didn’t want another dog. She wanted Mia back. Realizing and understanding her Mia died, she decided it was a good idea not to get another dog.
Through our sessions, I learned I am a dog person. A dog lover of the highest order. I miss who I am when not sharing life with a dog. Each dog is different, and each adds their spirit and fire to my heart. I am a dog person. I love them all equally. It’s possible even though I never believed it so until I lived it. Life is funny in a good way like that.
Grieving A Dog While Loving Another
It is totally possible to grieve the loss of a dog while loving another. I did not realize the heart had so much space for so many emotions until I went through the flames. I still grieve. I will always grieve my babies. I will always love.
I cannot believe I was able to do it, but again, life throws curve balls and you either get hit, move out of the way, or embrace the curve. I’ve done a bit of all three.
I read a quote that goes, “Dogs die. But dogs live, too. Right up until they die, they live. They live brave, beautiful lives. They protect their families. And love us. And make our lives a little brighter. And they don’t waste time being afraid of tomorrow.” (~D. Gemeinhart)
I feel the way fellow writing colleague Laura Greaves feels. Two of her dogs passed away within 72 days of each other. For her, the right thing to do was to grieve and open her heart again. She wrote:
“I know that some people are so devastated by the death of a pet that they can’t even consider opening their heart to another animal companion for years, or maybe ever. And I understand that.
Losing a four-legged soulmate is painful in a way that no other loss is. I miss Tex with every fiber of my being, and I always will. I still cry for him most days. The past six weeks without him have felt like an eternity.
But I also love dogs….Dogs are my joy, and I want more of it.“
Tips on Choosing Another Dog
I never call the latest pet the ‘new dog’ because that implies you had an ‘old dog’ and that feels like they are forgotten. No dog can ever take the place of your previous dog. We don’t replace humans and we don’t replace pets because each is a unique individual.
Once you have decided you are ready for another dog, here are my sage tips gathered over the last 30+ years working with grieving pet parents and from my own personal experience with the grieving process and death or a pet.
- It’s been my experience that the right dog chooses you. Somehow each of my dogs has found me in the right place at the right time. Consider this as you scroll through shelter photos or reach out to reputable breeders. Local animal shelter websites will explain their adoption process.
- Decide what age or life stage of dog you want (puppy, adult, senior, retired show dog, etc.)
- When and if you bring another dog home, try setting things up differently (dog bed in a new spot, change of route on walks for physical activity, etc) until the time comes you are ready for routine again
- Involve all family members in the decision-making, as they. are grieving, too.
- Don’t expect your next dog to be like your previous one. A close bond comes with time.
- If you have any second thoughts are not feeling really ready, don’t do it. Refer back to the questions above.
If you made it this far, you might be wondering how long I waited in between dogs. When our Brandy Noel passed, we waited a few weeks. When our Dexter passed, it was five months. The heart wants what the heart wants.
The important thing to take away from this article is this: You are not ever replacing your dog with a new friend. Thank your dog for being a part of your life here on earth and honor them by welcoming another if and when the time is right.
